Flipping The Switch

Something happened this morning. I flipped a switch. Doubt turned into certainty. Fear turned into “I got this.” After weeks of soul-searching, some self-loathing, and a lot of digging in search of that thing that would flip my switch, it pretty much happened despite myself. Well, that’s not true, is it? I’ve been building up to this, haven’t I? Taking those walks and going to yoga—even when I wasn’t feeling it. I just hoped I would eventually. And today I did.

I do.

I recognize it because it’s happened before. That’s good news and bad news, of course. I can count many times in my adult life when healthy eating and a fit lifestyle just clicked for me. I lost weight, built up my strength, created positive habits and felt so good about myself. There was no going back. I cleaned out my closet and donated all of my fat clothes.

But I can count just as many times when something happened at some point that derailed everything. I reverted back to my old habits—coping with stress and disappointments by eating too much of the wrong foods and skipping workouts. And, eventually, I’d be forced to buy more fat clothes. Talk about self-loathing.  

Anyway, I was so happy this morning that it was all coming together for the first time in a long while. “I like hot yoga!” “Salmon sounds good for dinner!” I was giddy. Then Fear and Doubt snuck up on me and bit me in the ass, crowing “How long this time?” And worse: “If you’d flipped the switch a month or two ago, imagine how far you’d be by now?”

The voices weren’t enough to derail me; they were a wake-up call. I have a choice which voices I listen to. I have a choice how I react to them, too. I can let Negative in and feed it (literally). Or—like I did today, I can recognize the absurdity of it all and laugh. And I can choose to stick with the voice that I started with today.

I got this.